inspiration, motivation, success, entrepreneur

 

My son has had a crush on a girl for sometime and, while driving him to school the other day, I nudged him once again to ask that girl out. He very much wanted to ask her out, but was afraid of being rejected and ruining the friendship. I encouraged him to “just do it” and he kept telling me that the time is not right yet.

Next time when I brought the topic up again, he told me quietly that he did ask the girl out a couple days ago, but the girl politely declined. I turned around and looked at him. He maintained a smile, yet looked a little sad. As a mother, I asked him if he was OK. He told me that he was very disappointed initially, but he was certainly much better.

He told me about a rule he has.

He has a rule of sevens to overcome sadness: seven hours, seven days and seven weeks. He allows himself to get sad or angry for a certain period of time.  For him, it can be seven hours, seven days or seven weeks. When the time is up, he tells himself that he needs to move on and stops dwelling on  situations that he can no longer change.

He uses this technique to get over losing matches at tennis too, which he plays competitively.

I was intrigued that he actually sets time aside to “mourn”. I asked him what he did during that time. He shrugged and said that he listens to sad music, plays warfare video games or simply goes for a run! A parent once told me that playing warfare video games could be a form of modern mourning. I finally understand what he was talking about.

I asked him how long it took to get over the rejection.  He said: “Oh, seven hours. I listened to my ‘sad music’ play list and spent several hours gaming. You asked me ‘what’s wrong?’ a couple days ago and I told you I didn’t want to about it.  That is why.”

“How do you feel now?” I asked again as I stopped the car near the school entrance.  “Mom, I am fine now. She moved on already. Why should I continue to feel sad?” he answered with a smile.

“What’s the longest time you have felt sad? And why have you chosen sevens?” I asked.

“The longest time I have ever felt sad is seven days, but I don’t remember what happened.  Oh, Seven is my lucky number.” He picked up his backpack, waved good-bye and walked into the school.

As a mother, I secretly hope that his heart will never be broken to such an extent that it would take him seven months or seven years to recover. At the same time, I’ve realized that I learned something from him today. I love the idea of allotting a fixed time to mourn and lick our wounds in our own personal ways.

Do you have your own rule of sevens? How do you overcome your sadness and despair?

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Pam Didner Headshot
Author

Pam Didner

Posted on

February 27, 2014

Category
Personal Journal
  • Nathan Wright

    Great story and I admire his courage and maturity with his approach. I have a 24 hour rule. If I have an issue with something or someone I need to take action on it within 24 hours or I let the issue go.

    • 24 hour is a good rule, Nathan! I love that you make yourself take action to proactively address the issues. Either deal with it or let it go. Thank you for sharing.

  • YOLOreferee

    Great post! I’ve learned to limit some things-like job rejections- to no more than an hour. Then I ask myself if I can improve in some way, did I do everything I could and take advantage of every opportunity to be successful. If the answer is “yes,” I move on. If the answer is “no,” it turns into a learning opportunity. So, either, it’s a win/win and something is gained.

  • Sandy Didner

    He is a very wise person. We all experience sadness, joy, disappointment, and success. How we cope with each reveals the strength of our characters. To win humbly is as important as it is to lose graciously. You should be proud of him.

  • I have a similar rule. I strongly believe that everything will be OK eventually and tomorrow is another day. No matter how sad/frustrated/disappointed I am at this moment, I always push myself to be OK next day. And it works.

  • Tami Lesh

    I’m intrigued about the notion of mourning via warfare video games.